What would cr do?

[wnaplay1647545503]

Part of this is just me running through my thought process and kind of talking out loud.

 

In 2009 I was partially disabled and have not been allowed to work since nor do I know if/when I will be able to. At this time we lost all insurance and have luckily been able to afford insurance for the kids(no one would insure us with the issues stemming from my injury). At the time of my injury I instantly maxed out what workers comp pays out which ultimately was around 1/3 of my income(even if you make $1m a year there is a max we all are subjected to which is the same for everyone). At the time I was not that concerned as I was positive I would be back to work very quickly and if I had to dip into savings for a short time to make up the difference no biggie. 5 years later lets say savings isn't what it once was. We have always been very good with our money which is what has allowed us to make it this far, although there is always a time frame where its simply all gone. This year alone we donated money and toys to the toy drive on here, to 2 other toy drives and paid for all the Christmas gifts for a family dealing with a child undergoing cancer treatments(we didn't know my wife was sick at the time).

 

Fast forward to 3 weeks ago when my wife was in the hospital and we found out she has cancer. In just this month alone we have incurred just shy of

$100k in medical bills a staggering amount which is only going to go up.

 

I have never owed money to anyone other than my mortgage payment, no credit cards, no loans. Despite technically having $0 income since 2009(compensation is so little its not tax deductible therefore we have $0 income to declare at tax time its not considered income) and being a 5 person family we have never applied for or accepted any govt help or aid, no ebt card no food stamps no health insurance nothing. We could have easily been approved for aid of some kind being technically considered extremely poor.

 

Heres my dilemma

 

Even with our situation and my wifes issues we haven't really allowed people to help out or do things to help lessen the load(more pride than anything else). My sister is practically begging me to allow her to do some sort of fundraiser through some website shes involved with which would allow donations to be made. At what point do you allow people to "help"? Do you wait until your completely destitute and have no other choice? By all appearances we are doing fine but since my accident its been thanks to skillful money mngt(not many people could keep going on less than 1/3 of what they do now or do it for 5 years). Unfortunately the added medical bills and the added expense of trying to keep from losing the cake shop when no one is there to produce any income(shop doesn't make a lot of money more so it sustains itself when running) is weighing very heavy on my mind as well as my finances. It bugs me to no end to think by allowing her to do this that I would be in some way "asking for help" and it would bug me to no end to wonder what people are thinking about us and why we need anything. I am certainly not above asking for help but I always thought it should happen after I sold everything from the house to the cars and had no other choice. I admit so far we have sold a lot of things over the years and it sucks to have worked, been injured and ultimately be left with absolutely nothing to show for it. Things you waited years to purchase or wanted for yourself/family quickly become distant memories and you have to come to terms with never having them(this is just from the aftermath of my accident). You work hard to buy a home and then you are faced with possibly losing it.

 

With all of that said I would take on $10m in debt if that's what it takes to make sure my wife gets whatever she needs without question. Should I allow my sister to do something like this for us? Should I wait until we are desperate?

[PRD2BDF]

My philosophy is that if someone offers to help, accept it. If you don't need the money later for whatever reason, donate the remainder to someone else in the same position as you were in.

 

Best of luck for your wife. Stay strong

[TTQ B4U]

With all of that said I would take on $10m in debt if that's what it takes to make sure my wife gets whatever she needs without question. Should I allow my sister to do something like this for us? Should I wait until we are desperate?

 

Sounds like you have family willing to help. I'd do it. Our family did the same for my mother in law just this December. She had to go through similar feelings about family coming together, but it can be done.

 

Thankfully it sounds like you have some support. Talk it through with them and your wife so expectations on all sides are met. I say that as in our familiy we have one brother in law who fought what we all did.

[wnaplay1647545503]

Tim this wouldn't be just a family thing, she wants to do some fundraiser that allows anyone including complete strangers to donate.

[PRD2BDF]

If strangers want to help, let them, it shows that we still can have faith in humanity.

[STEVE-O]

Take the help now while someone has the ability to help because you never know what can happen the next day. Like stated if it is not fully needed pass it on to others ( like what seems you are already doing)

[Rustlestiltskin]

Set up a CR donation and I'll help. Set up a paypal if you don't already have one and I'm sure all of us will help out our fellow cr brother in need.

[wnaplay1647545503]

Almost 20 years ago I was 17 and found out I was going to be a dad. That day my mindset changed and it was no longer about me it was what was best for my soon to be born son. We didn't have much money at that time and I can remember huge arguments with my parents when we would go out to dinner and they offered to pay. I knew it would be a long time before I could ever return the favor and I was satisfied with knowing although we didn't have much at the time we had what we could afford and we earned it. As life goes on you start a career and before you know it money doesn't dictate what your able to have and you start living a decent life without necessarily the worries of being broke. When my accident happened it was a huge eye opener but luckily I was able to revert back to the thinking that you simply have what you can afford again. But now the medical bills are a game changer, something I don't think I will ever be able to financially recover from. It wasn't but 10months ago I had a gun to my head and I had to ask myself if I could keep going. Luckily I pulled out of that rationale but the weight of all of this from finances to the much more dreaded possibly losing my wife is very heavy.

[BrianZ06]

Sometimes you have to look at the bigger picture . Accepting help does not make you lesser of a person. I went thru a similar situation years ago with having no insurance and making a deal with hospitals and doctors to pay off a large debt. It was not easy, if I had offers for help it would have made things much easier

[TTQ B4U]

Tim this wouldn't be just a family thing, she wants to do some fundraiser that allows anyone including complete strangers to donate.

 

If strangers want to help, let them, it shows that we still can have faith in humanity.

 

Set up a CR donation and I'll help. Set up a paypal if you don't already have one and I'm sure all of us will help out our fellow cr brother in need.

 

^^ All of the above.

[zeitgeist57]

Jason, even the most frugal of us can't get by on a pittance, whether in the form of gov't/insurance assistance or otherwise. Especially considering the medical expense costs, I would definitely welcome the charity of others, especially family. The amazing thing about social media is the ability to mobilize charitable causes.

 

I respect your resistance to "help". When the start-up bank I was working with failed in 2008 and I was out of work for a few months, I never applied for gov't assistance out of pride as anything else. In retrospect, I think that was a McSteak; the programs to help me and my family were there and I should've taken advantage of them.

 

Get something formal together for donations and watch what happens. Certainly don't budget for any of it, but appreciate the blessing of any charity given by others.

[1fast5gp]

Take all the help you can get, there is also plenty of help out there if you are just willing to accept it. There are many types of Government funded insurance and treatment plans out there for cancer patients. You should also look into getting her on a good private insurance asap so you are not paying for this all out of pocket. One of the positives aspects of the AFA is that she can get good insurance even with a pre-existing condition. There is no shame in asking for help when you really do need the help. You should never put pride or financials above your wife's health/life.

[Jewtoys]

Sounds like you have the world weighing down on you right now. Having made smart financial moves to be able to make it this far is impressive these days. I say take all the help you can get right now.

[wnaplay1647545503]

I went to the grocery store today and i know by the time i walk through the store pushing a cart i will be in alot of pain and will probably be unable to do much walking for the rest of the day. I could easily get on one of the provided mobility carts and not deal with the pain. I dont do this because of the looks people give me when i use one or park in handicapped parking spaces. I admit i look at peope objectively when i see someone using one and the thought of the scrutiny of others is scary. I have worked hard to create this illusion of being like everyone else. I fear being judged for asking for help when i have decent cars and a decent home.

[LJ]

I think the first thing you should definitely do is sign up for medicaid and food stamps. That will take such a large part of your financial burden off

Those programs are for you to use to get you through a tough time.

[wnaplay1647545503]

I readily admit i am very naive and know very little about any of the available programs out there.

[El Karacho1647545492]

This isn't the same as your situation, but allow me to share my family's and friend's experience with a similar situation and hopefully you can look far ahead for something to work towards.

 

My mom's best friend from HS was diagnosed with breast cancer 15 years ago. She was fortunate in that her husband had good insurance through his work, but in her treatment she received extremely good support from her friends; they essentially took care of her family for her. Her family's meals were cooked by friends which, along with her experience seeing uninsured women struggle with getting the treatment they needed, inspired her to raise money by selling cookbooks once she got better. Her experience and her willingness to help were instrumental in my mom's speedy recovery from breast cancer only about 5 years ago.

 

Fast forward to their results. You're looking at someone who had not previously considered "fundraising for cancer" on their list of things to do, turning into 6-figure donations and the tools to help an entire region of the country identify and eliminate cancer.

 

That's the power of one person. Who knows, maybe this is the motivation your sister needs to do this for central Ohio. We have a fantastic support system, but more can never hurt.

 

Accept the help that people offer you so that you as a family can stay together and PAY IT FORWARD in the future. Some people may look at you funny but they are not the people who are going to make your family stronger.

[Otis Nice]

A very close friend of me gave me some great advice once: "You need to learn to accept blessings when they come your way. I have been blessed and now am trying to bless you. Accept the blessing, be thankful, and when you're able to don't repay me, rather bless someone else in need."

[wnaplay1647545503]

There are just so many people out the who are struggling and need help right now more than we do. The fear is that at some point we will fall into this category as well and if we don't accept help before this happens or if this happens then we will have ourselves to blame . I don't know about anyone else but for me I feel guilty taking help. I can't count how many people I have told they should get on govt assistance when they were down on their luck through no real fault or mistake of their own. I have repeatedly told people that they paid into it through taxes and it's there just in case you need it in life similar to an insurance plan but find myself unwilling to take my own advice. Unfortunately after having my wife refresh my memory, 4 years ago when we were looking for insurance the cheapest plan we could get on was $1200 a month. We could not get on Medicaid as my compensation puts us just over the amount of "income" allowed. It's a catch 22, we are told we don't have income yet they include my compensation. The worst part is that I do not have any income records for 5 years because again I don't have income. When I went to refinance my house this year I wasn't able to as you have to have income. My wife's car went out this year as well so i thought I will just go down and get a small loan for another car instead of dipping into savings, nope despite having great credit I have no income as they do not view compensation as income. Bwc is a horrible system to be in and not only does it screw you, you cannot get out of it without simply walking away.

[Otis Nice]

There are just so many people out the who are struggling and need help right now more than we do. The fear is that at some point we will fall into this category as well and if we don't accept help before this happens or if this happens then we will have ourselves to blame .

 

Problem.

 

Solution?

 

Look, you have to swallow your pride and do what's best for your family. Stop wasting time. Get things rolling.

[mrs.cos]

There are just so many people out the who are struggling and need help right now...

 

YOU are one of those people though! It's hard to think of yourself and family like that. Get the help. No one says you have to take govt assistance forever.

 

I don't say that lightly. Accept help where it's offered. Pride doesn't pay huge medical bills.

[xlr8tn]

First off....sorry about all the misfortune that you guys are going through. Secondly, I understand your dilemma but you should let your sister help out. Sometimes pride has to take a back seat and I would imagine your sister right now feels pretty helpless and it would at least make her feel like she's making a difference. I would give that to her. I wouldn't wait until you guys are desperate though because by then it might be too late to stay on top of the bubble so to speak. Nothing wrong with a helping hand every now and then.

[Mojoe]

Jason, everyone is already saying it. Accept the help and don't allow for more strain to come your way with more financial hardship. If you were a guy who BS'd people, maybe I wouldn't care. I've trusted you with having a key to my home, and have gotten to know you pretty well this year.

 

Please set up a paypal and post it.

 

 

CR is more than just cars anymore. We love the opportunity to help each other. Please give us a way to assist you and your family.

[Berto]

No shame in taking help. Your family wants to help, great. Strangers want to help, great. The programs you'd helped fund over the years....sign up for them.

 

If you wait till everything is gone it will be that much harder to get out of the hole. It sounds like you feel a degree of shame with using gov aid. Thats actually a good thing IMO. It guarantees that you are using it only temporarily till things turn your way, it drives you to get of them.

 

At this point you owe it to your family. Keep a roof over their head and food on the table. Medical bills are the #1 reason for bankruptcy, its real.

[copperhead]

You are doing but nothing but hurting your family by not accepting help. This is about more than just you and your pride.

 

Government programs exist for people in your situation. Refusing these programs due to not wanting to be associated with the people that abuse those programs simply because they can is bullshit. Family and friends are offering to help because they WANT to help, not because they feel obligated. If you were begging for help it would be different, and some people are probably offended by your refusing them.

 

Take whatever help you can. Do everything you have to to keep your wife getting better and your kids fed and sheltered. This includes taking care of yourself. Then worry about your pride last, there are far more important things in life. This is a form of you being selfish, and this isn't the time.